#anyway i couldnt read the 2014 one

[garlic-sauc3]

reading comics from 1984 and then reading comics from 2014 is so weird. the art, writing, lettering, storybuilding, etc has changed so much in those 30 years it feels completely different

[veveisveryuncool]

adeleine appreciation squad!!! time for me to project artist problems all over her and headcanon the heck out of this gal :]

adeleine is the type to go through a set of 24 prismacolors in a week and constantly has to get new supplies (dw, having a king as your friend means unlimited art supplies)

is adeleine’s age ever confirmed?? idk anyways i hc her as no more than 12

after the oil pastel incident, ado only lets kirby and ribbon use her leftover supplies to keep them busy while painting

bandana dee is the exception. bandana dee is allowed free range of adeleine’s supplies. bandana dee has earned her trust.

the first time ado hit art block, she cried for hours on end because she thought she had lost her talent forever

what’s in ado’s notebook? we will never know.....(its old 2014 deviantart ocs)

she loves oversized clothing sososo much

adeleine and ribbon have a weekly friendship bracelet making ritual :]]

i forgot to add it in the doodles, but adeleine’s hands and clothing are perpetually covered in paint splatters. always. 

she’s also always got at least one bandaid somewhere plastered on, hard to avoid injuries when you’re a one-hit KO, and also when you’re the last human and nobody knows quite how to treat your wounds right

OH YEAH last human stuff here we go:

going to shiver star was lowkey traumatizing for her. ado always knew she came from shiver star, sure, and she still holds a couple of memories from there (she was 5 when she came to popstar. why? idk im still working on that). but nothing could have prepared her for the barren, abandoned, frozen wasteland that was left behind. it was as if every last shred of life was torn away, nothing but amalgamations of creatures that she had once read in storybooks floating in test tubes. it was so strange and so scary for her to realize that the beautiful, lush landscapes she held in her mind and in her paintbrush-- her home planet, were gone. 

yikes that was dark what else uhh

when she met meta knight for the first time, she couldnt stop talking about how cool he looked, how his color palette was a perfect complimentary/analogous mix, etc. meta knight took this as a very deserved ego boost

adeleine gives a lot of odd compliments about someone’s geometric symmetry or color scheme

dedede’s not sure what a triadic color scheme is but damn if he isn’t proud of it

IM GONNA STOP HERE ACK THAT WAS LONG I HAVE MANY MORE THOUGH!!!!

[berryunho]

okay i know its already the end of january 1st but allow me to reflect on 2022 for a moment ! so ! if you want my sentimental ramblings feel free to read but LAKSJDFLKSJD

SO BASICALLY. the answer turned one year old in 2022. i started posting in april 2021. and thus she turned one in april. idk exactly what the stats were in april but i know that at the start of the year she was ~70k words and had ~3000 hits and like ~70 kudos. keep that in mind. KAJLFDKSJFJKL im really not like. a numbers person like. its motivating for sure when i know i have an audience but i dont let it get to me if things are down for whatever reason and anyways i thought that those numbers were CRAZYYYYY. like i was already out of my mind insane at the thought of so many people liking my fic and i was just so . thankful . and i still am !

but.... i felt that i was... missing something...... like ao3 is amazing and wonderful and i love it but.... i wanted more Connection! i wanted to be easier to talk to and more of a Real Person to my readers lol so i made my tumblr this year! and i waited a bit to start crossposting just bc i was such a huge chore and... i was really scared... but once i did the response was so immediate and so wonderful that i couldnt believe i didnt do it earlier !!!! like genuinely tumblr has been everything ive ever hoped for it to be and more and its so so so lovely to be here and i just !!!!! like sheesh . i had a blog long ago (like. 2014-2018.) and i just ... dont remember tumblr being like this then lol

and anyways. i feel like ive become a Real Fanfiction Writer now. like it is INSANE to me to think that there are people that look up to me like i used to look up to ff writers like .... YOU MEAN IM THAT PERSON TO SOME PEOPLE?????? I GET ANONS? I GET ASKS? REPLIES? DMS? PEOPLE WANT TO TALK TO ME ON THE MERIT THAT I CREATED SOMETHING THEY LIKE? holy moly baby. i still am so awkward w ff authors that arent my bffies bc i literally forget that i am ff authors. like i am in that crew now. KALJSDL;FKJSDLF so crazy so if you are a fellow writer reading this and we are moots and we've never spoken trust it is bc im just awkward i probably love you and your writing LKJALDSKFJLASDKJF

and like ... speaking of my bffies ... idk if theyll read this but hi if you do i cant say these things directly to you bc i have issues but. the 2 months that we have been friends have been very wonderful and i have very much loved getting to know you guys and i hope you like me bc you are STUCK w me now ! i wuv u or ... something ALKDSJFALKSDJ thank you tumblr for bringing us together KAJSDLFKJSLD

and ANYWAYS FOR REAL NOW the answer now is 144k. claps to me for doubling the length <3 and she has. 280 kudos. and 11,426 hits. and like i said. the numbers dont get me very much. what gets me is the fact that so many people have called the answer their favorite fanfic. people have complimented my writing style. people thank me for my work. people tell me that they hope im well out of the blue. people tell me that ive scared them people tell me ive made them cry people tell me their heart beats faster when they read people tell me they love my characters people tell me they love my writing and my mind and JUST ASKDLFJASDFJKLSLDFJ THAT IS WHAT GETS ME !!!! thats why i love tumblr and thats what im thankful for going into 2023 and i hope that this year i can continue to be a writer that you all love or at least enjoy and if not that ... tolerate ig ALKSDJFAKSDJ

SIGNED YOUR FAVORITE HOTTEOK (agree w me.)/AUTHOR OF THE ANSWER/BERRYUNHO/EGGYLEGGY/ lauren <3

[rewiredthethirdblog]

I just have to recap yesterday. Legit made 4 friends. And i wore the same hoodiend undershifr from bed nobody could tell lol. Pilling and all. So first tunza fun aaron lim born in 02' i think. Wmmt6 then he added me on his facebook. I remember his phone being so heavy lol shouldve commented but we were still talking cars etc. He was like whoa when i said i might be getting an 86 for 20k. Its like he couldnt believe i could drop that kinda money. I feel so cool thinking about it. But he also doesnt know im not going to finance it. 2014 model will be bought outright.

Then he told me id love deadpool x wolverine which i did came back booked it for 4:15 thinking itd have beyter seats but nope just like 3:30 at reading cinemas premium the next one also was full so picked an end seat second row from back. Girl there moved her cup cause yes I paid for my seat. Initially thought she was hot and she put her lip gloss on minutes into the movie in the way only a girl would do. And then she looked at me directly as i was giggling etc and then i looked at her a bit but we never locked eyes or anything she was with her family who were really cool but older kinda country vibes. She really warmed upto me only meaniute in then by the end of it she was practically waiting for me to chat her up etc cause she made her whole family stick around for end credits sequence whilstthe mum wanted to go. End credits was just swearing like a sailor funny as but expected more. I guess with how ludicrous the movie became it couldnt take itself seriously. I feel tho deadpool and wolverine is the perfect aussie marvel film. Two sarcastic etc idiots in it for our entertainment. I of course didnt want to ruon my deadpool experience so didnt utter a word but just enjoyed it all. Sat in my seat looked at my phone a bit and let the family go past me. I got up at very end and left last person to leave cinemas cause anxiety a little kicked in to make sure i got all my belongings in my bag. Checking multiple times. Anyways got out of cinemas her family outside bsthrooms looking at next films on the wall. She clesrly went bathrrom and i left for tunza fun again. Aaron lim wasnt there i messaged him but yesh long story short he said hell be there after film but ended up leaving at 5. Then i eneded up yalking to tunza fun lady there even more and wow. Every fiber of her was excited for me to be into her. Full smiles n helpful and so nice extra nice. Shed never correct me just help me further. Shes a total submissive.perfect grounds for a relationship. She had tits and ass too despite covering it up all in the outfit. So her body fills out nice.

Bought the best $4 end of specialz sandwhich chef chicken wrap in spinach wrap ever. So full and it was only a half piece!

I think it waz here then i Went back to reasing after esting it and the lines were empty so i waited asked about if they do reruns and got chatting to this girl. She was so nice little chat. She mentioned she saw mad amx fuross three times i said i dont belueve her haha. But she had to end the chat kinda early cause unknown to me the time.was getting closer and queues were getting fired up. What shouldve happened is another girl come out to server the other customers but nope lol. So yeah our convo cut short by way of circumstance. But i could tell how submissive she already was for me. Titght lil body this one tanned too. Dont think she had much tits or ass. I never got a look. She mightve had a nice body. She waz pretty enough faically for sure. And deff kind. I said thsnks n left. But mid convo this other girl. The temptress lets say. Could tell she was a cocksucker cause she looked me in the eyes and approved instantly of me. Surprised she didnt just tskeovef the convo then and there lol. Just approval. Teasing me to find her n fuck her she is.

Then went to kmart n saw a blonde brown or black girl almost a model kinda like the best calm curious confident jessica alba vibes. I felt instinct to turn around with my glasses. And she made eye contact with me. We both like each other. Even from a good 10m distance. Store was closing early over the speakers so.. Had to get something from kmsrt. Not enough time. Got myself size 8 black sandals because this msterial i tend to slip n slide in so small is better should be good as for house runs strapped in af too. Took it to slef checkout she felt something for me i waited in line she kindly let me know register was open. Its like she didnt wanna see me in pain of waiting. She felt me deeply and yet she didnt evej show it. I just bought it and left. A girl loves it when a guy wants her but doesnt need her. I expressed that by not turning around then. I went out of ksmrt with my shoes. Forgot about buyin a bag. back to sandwhich chefs asked the fella if it was closed got myself yhe potsto scslops for six. Amszing deal. Havent esten and at the tike of this writing i went to bed so esrly its still unopened epic brekky tho!

Anywho i went into tunza fun as i had an idea. Told the hotnicecutesexymytype lady to scan my card. No funds. Told her that my card i scanned it twice so.. Machine took all yhe credits. I asked do the machines do that? She gsve me a free game. Haha she also had to embarass herself cause she scanned two old style tunza bluedot cards and apologised then realised she needed a new style card. (yup I had given her my old style card somehow when explaining my case but it crossed neither of our minds only this morning i relaised lol)

So she after several minutes got back nd gave me a free game new swipe. So cute how she literslly there to serve me submissively. She plays the submissive part well. She knows shell get dicked down later. And my cum in her horny lonely mouth. She knows ill.molest and cum in her so much shell love it.

Anywho maori skinny chad lookindude and his fst gf and lil bro in the wheels i versed them. Was fun. Lil banter but i guess he wasnt used to making new friends cause he wasnt open much. But we all enjoyed. Think he just wanted us to add each other on the phones asap mostly. Thats why he whipped out his phone middle of the race. But dude lookex like a chsd. Anywho i gave his evo some bashin eith my z and he gave back but he n his lip bro totally was racing clesn i had to be the dirty one i wsnted to spice it up i had to make it interesting. He won the free game and hes soft spoken cause i didnt even hesr what he was saying but yesh his lil bro who i congratulsted on the win won and he got up and then maori chad got up and took a seat for the free game. I didnt know what to do so left lol. I coupdnt tell if he didnt wsnns break character in front of gf or was just shy but i had to go lol. Already made too many friends anywho but bet bro wouldve been chill af to know fr he seemed like 24 and such a good dude. With his kinda pedo glasses but if he didnt wear em hed look a stud. I just couldnt believe his gf was so fat n dark next to him must be true love. Her fsce waz pretty tho id fuck her only if she dropped 50kg. But id never think of doing that to him. Just saying for context why is he clearly dating down. Her bigness must be nothong compared to the love n cooking she gives him ig.

So i took my potsto scallop contsiner off the arcade dahsboard (which was wrspped nicely so couldnt tell what it was.) and took my shooes and greeted the hot lady wiping the floor near the entrance. Her so clesrly bending over down to me acting all sublissive for me. Id ssy shes round 28 max but maybe even 23. Walked back to get in the car but also saw people still queuong up so ssturdsy cinemaz always busy for wolverine eh!

Also gotta love how old employes of tunzafun and reading cinemas especially were all replaced by even younger and hotter girls. So hot the girls in reading esp. There was like 4 or 5 girls i saw working there. All petite didnt find a single one who couldnt be my type. The tall ladys mustve quit or found boyfriends lol. Im remebering the "pornstar latina" type of girl who came out to see who the man was chstting up this nerdy skinny nice girl. She instsntly gave me the nod and eye contact of approval. And went back in. She wanted me. Lil seductress. She knew im fuckin hot dressed like this even. My beard trimmeed not exactly small but styled nicely like wolverines n my hair messy kinda like a wolverine too. But either wsy you know sluts would still do me in this outfit even if my beard was bigger n a mezz n looked bad to me. The color contrazt of my skin n hair n outfit is hot af enough to cum in thier mputh repeatedly. Lol

So glas i wrote this up. Its past 8am now. Think i started at 730am.. Or before. Gotta go clean uo my lower half snywho. Ill edit this later but hsppy to relive it first thing in morning snd some in my dreams. Morning is perfect time to document the previous dsy.

[iangallagherisadeadman]

correct BUT some things to adress.

was it november? cause yes even though you can not read the month in the calendar S1E1, we can conclude it was november because of the disposition of the days to the weekdays.

fiona puts her finger in the 15 and says to everyone that electrics is due. so, is it nov. 15, 2010?

first day of the episode, at night, Fiona sleeps with JimmySteve.

next scene in the episode it is morning and Fiona takes Liam to work at the motel, and the following scene is Frank at the alibi announcing to Kev it is disability day.

how come? disability day should be the last friday of the month. either theres a lot of days in between the night Fiona slept with JimmySteve and the day of this scene and they decided to jump like 10 days, making it nov. 26, or! it is december and Frank received it earlier cause the last two fridays would be dec. 24 and then dec. 31.

then, in the next scene it's morning and Steve knocks at Fiona's door asking her if she has plans for friday. Lip comes into the scene and says he's not in school cause he had some teeth pulled out.

the first day of the episode, we learn that Lip has/had dentist at monday.

is it monday dec. 20 and Lip went to the dentist and Frank received because of december and there was a jump of like 5 days? but then JimmySteve is a Freak and asked Fiona out chritmas eve? or

is it nov. 22 monday and lip had dentist and theres no explanation as to why Frank received it already?

first episode wasnt nov. 15 monday and they for some reason only god knows wanted to pay the electric bill earlier, hence why this print says "pay electric today!"?

but then! next scene, same day, same clothes, jimmysteve from "the other night". that mean there couldnt be a jump of days from kitchen sex scene and this one?

my theory: Fiona sleeps with JimmySteve dec. 15, we don't see dec. 16, dec. 17 friday Frank receives his check and JimmySteve is a freak who actually wants to know Fiona's plans for that night not christmas eve, Lip rescheduled his dentist, dec. 19 sunday Fiona has dinner with JimmySteve and dec. 20 monday they wake up together, breakfast scene, "15 minutes before school, tops", which would make sense cause S1E2 they got alarmed that Frank didnt showed up for his disability check which comes in the last friday of the month, which would be jan. 28, and thats a match for the rest of the season and so on. and I refuse to acknowledge their calendar and will follow mine always cause S4 happened like three weeks after S3, yet S3 finale is december 23 i think 2012 and every single calendar in S4 says it is 2014.

then, about their birthdays:

Debbie tells Fiona S2E4 that her birthday is in october. then, S4E8, her virginity countdown says her birthday is in july. then, S7E9 Debs tells Monica her birthday is in december. so, whatever your heart says?

my take: S2E4 first fiona sends a text which reveals its aug. 10, wednesday, 2011.

but then, same day, carl is hanging with little hank and

then, same day, theres this dialog:

most public schools in the us start classes in september and in chicago classes start on the first tuesday after labor day. 2011 labor day was on september 5. so this episode is in august, two weeks before sept. 6. that would be aug. 23 tuesday. proving again their calendars are never right and mean shit nothing. anyway!

later, theres this.

so Deb would have be born october 1999.

it also happens with Fiona: S4E10 says in her police file that she was born aug. 12, 1986, but that can't be right cause she says S4E12 that she's 23, and the file says she was arrested on february 24, 2014, but that's wrong cause chronologically she was arrested march 2013, and the day she was arrested was her birthday as Mike came to give her coke and the following episode she says to a cop or her parole officer that "yesterday was my birthday". so again, whenever you want it to be? i like aug. 12, and she was 21 at s1 that is end of 2010/begining of 2011 so she would have been born august 1989.

This is so random but I cant stop thinking about it but what year do guys think the Gallagher siblings were born?

[andthemoonwalks]

birthdays are. weird.

[ksficrec]

HELP FINDING FICs

Coming at you all with a monthly compilation of HELP FINDING FIC asks in my inbox that I am unqualified for, so please if anyone knows these, please help:

1. @marikaasan asked:

Hi! I've read so many KakaSaku fanfic these quaratine period and there is one fanfic that I couldnt remember the title and it's BUGGING THE HELL OUT OF ME DATTEBAYO! Do you happen to know the fanfic where Kakasaku was partners in ANBU and then Kakashi force Sakura to quit anbu because he was becoming the Hokage and Kakashi reason out that he couldnt protect her while she was on the mission so Sakura were swamped in the hospital doing paperworks. TELL ME PLEASE HUHU! Anyways, much love KakaSaku!

(I've read this fic too but after searching for it everywhere I have fics saved, I couldn't find it. please help.)

2. @onleylonely asked:

Hi, i need help finding a fic - me and my other kakasaku friend were chatting and they were trying to remember a fic where sakura met kakashi at a bookstore or something and it was a modern au that was also kind of funny and sakura talked to jiraiya in an elevator. oh and they just txted me that kakashi pantsed naruto in public at one point, which makes me desperate to read it lol. they think it was posted around 2014-ish, any help is super appreciated!

(I've never read a fic like this so pls help)

3. @its-mr-bulletproof asked:

Guuuuys help!!!! I'm looking for a fic that sakura is in love with kakashi and enrolls for a program where she'll get pregnant with his child after he dies so his clan does not goes extinct. Thanks and sorry for the bad english :( hope you understand what I said

(our English is great don't worry! But I don't remember ever reading a fic like that so @KS community please help!)

4. @shaunuchiha13 asked:

I wanted to ask u abt this kakasaku fanfic I'm dying to reread In this sakura and Naruto r brother n sister ( they were both together in the same orphanage) and sasuke & sakura pretends to be engaged Kakashi is sasuke's uncle and don't trust sakura n thinks she is after sasuke's money. Eventually on heavy rainy night he confronts sakura n they end up sleeping together. In the morning Kakashi wakes up and find she is gone n that she was a virgin

(after having searched for something like this and finding nothing in my lists/saves, here I am asking for help)

5. anon asked: 

Looking for a fic where Sakura and Sasuke are together but then he goes away or something and then her and kakashi get together. But Sasuke comes back and Sakura gives him a chance. Then something else happens though and she goes back to kakashi and the ending scene is them with a bunch of kids and Sasuke comes to visit. I know it sounds like a better man but it’s not

(was gonna say sounds like better man but since you say it's NOT that, I'm opening it up for help)

6. anon asked:

Could you please recommend some kakasaku with a Alpha/beta/omega setting? I love this AU so much but I can’t find more of them

(I only know one a/b/o fic which is this one (Heart Under a Blade by @fineillsignup) and I've already rec-ed it, @ everyone pls help with more recs?)

tagging some KS blogs, please help if you know and if not pls share so we can find these fics, thank you!!

@kakashis-kunoichi @bouncyirwin @moderndayportia @itslulu42 @fineillsignup @fallenalien @tipsyraconteur @birkastan2018

[pendraegon]

i followed you after finding ur account through another person’s rbs of one of your merlin posts! i’m like ten years late to this stupid homophobic show but i’m glad i’m not alone, also got into the classic athuriana this way and i’m glad you know so much about it bc i’m learning so much! :)

WHOA BBC MERLIN?? oh my god wait fun story when the bbc merlin finale came out in...was it christmas 2014? anyways, i was in cali at the time and i couldnt watch it of course but i read spoilers of what happened and i couldnt enjoy my day at fucking disneyland (the first and only time ive ever been) bc i was um. sad about bbc merlin ASLDKFJASOIDLFKASDVJASD

and 🥺 i love arthuriana so much...one day i'll actually finish and publish my novel and it's going to become the best work yet in modern arthuriana ALKSFJDASOFLKASDF

tell me on or off anon why you followed me and what made you stay<3

[silent-swiftie-ph]

I agree that people need to experienace it. Kaylor is not something for a faint of heart. Lol. But if you really need something, give them the ts+kk compilation in youtube. Then let then read the reputation is about karlie kloss masterdoc.

Anyway, just sharing my story how I ended up here.

I’ve always thought that something is off since 2012 since I’ve been a fan since 06/07. Like my radar was like off the roof! And as someone who was hiding in plain sight (I’m Asian) I can totally connect with ts. The flagging, introducing boys as bfs, signaling, pining at your bestfriend, befriending a girl you are totally attracted to, writing sapphic poems/songs/short stories.

When 2013 came in, i saw that tweet and it was rather cute. Asking for bake-off? Like dudes, tf. It’s like asking if for coffeedate. Haha. Then 2014, pretty eventful. Remember seeing the bigsur photos in IG. Lol. And I was like, “uhm, ok. They’re not just bestfriends.” Swiftmas. 1989, vouge, KISSGATE. A LOT OF MATERIALS. Hiddleswift, Karlie third wheeling with “i dont want to name him”

I honestly fell out of the rabbithole cause I was so disappointed that they didn’t come out. Well, i was rooting for them. I was scheming myself that “if taylor comes out, i better come out as well.” I was so young, naive, and scared that I was looking for any guidance/encouragement from someone as big as tay. Little did I know that it is WAY harder for them.

Fast forward, to rep, saw the cover and said something is off with the eyes, the songs soecially “dress”. Didnt dwell with it tho. Lover, first time i’ve heard about Joe again. Lol. Folklore and evermore actually torn me apart. I was like, “kk and ts” were real shit and they broke up.

When midnights came out, that’s when i did a total deep dive again. I couldnt comprehend “the great war” because it’s so contradicting. So I did some research. And now, I’m back here.

This is actually my 2nd account. I lost my first one in 2014/15. And being a kaylor from the beginning, falling out from it, and be warped into it again, I must say I already stopped convincing people. They need to experience it, have an open mind, do research, and dig easter eggs. AGAIN being a kaylor is not for the faint of heart. After all, TS is a machiavellian shit mastermind and we love her for it.

Enjoy!

SR, buddy, pal. I’ve been here with you for a minute, loving the ride even though I cringe a lot. However, I find myself too far down the rabbit hole to help an uninitiated understand why we believe what we believe. If you have time and it’s not too annoying could you ask the gang for some good baby stepping stones from “who is KK even” to “ok maybe you’re not fully crazy” for me to share with a buddy? I keep giving them clues that are too deep to make sense to them and I can’t even remember how I fell down this hole myself to try and replicate the process. I know it’s out there on everybody’s blog it’s just that this whole nfl baloney has muddied the recent waters and I’m having a hard time finding what I’m looking for. Love you, keep going till we get home 💚

Can you all help our friend out?

[piraticalarchive]

if twistedwit was married when you met, how did your writing partnership evolve into a relationship?

okay a few things here.. 1) I think that’s a really personal question and if that part of our relationship ever wants to be shared then I think that’s amy’s prerogative and not mine. Definitely not my place. But I will wax poetically on a few things that set amy apart from the crowd for me.

I was in a bad place in 2014 when i made my killian blog. My bipolar mania was running rampant, unchecked, and i pretty much lived alone and barely existed. I was halfway through my second semester of grad school and I had a lot of self loathing, etc. I was not happy - I felt like I was doing what was expected of me and trying to fit this mold that I just wasn’t made for. Amy was the first person who saw that. And she went one step further.

I have a tendency to shift myself into what I perceive other people need - I can say what they want to hear, I can help them through rough spots by knowing exactly what to say .. I think its the major empath in me. But by the time I was 23 and on tumblr, I knew exactly how to use this to my advantage. I was fun and I was happy constantly (based on others perceptions) and I turned my drinking problem (I was literally drunk 99.98 percent of my time on tumblr) into a joke and everyone just kind of went with it. I would stay up writing and skyping and just being a general idiot until like 6 am and then I’d be posting again at 7:30am and most people were like woo hoo party lifestyle taylors such a hoot - but after like a week of knowing her and allowing her to be privy to it, Amy called me on my bullshit, and I got mad. I was fucking furious, mate. It was kind of like this whole ‘how dare you see me for what i am and host an intervention. like who are you to even care??’

I would go a week to a week and a half without eating because I spent all of my money on the care of my two horses and the rest i spent on alcohol. Just to put it into perspective, I could not sleep unless I was two to three water bottle sized drinks of mountain dew and jack in. I was on a skype call with amy one time and my stomach growled because I was hungry and she was like ‘ dude go eat something’ and i was like ‘oh i will.’ and like two hours went by and we were still on the call and my stomach growled again and she was like ‘????’. I remember her being like ‘ you DO have food, right?” and i was like “yeah. i bought myself one of those boxes of like 4 pizza bagels and i’m just gonna eat one pizza bagel a day.’...liek this was totally normal for me. I found nothing odd with it. But anyways I ended up drinking myself stupid after I ended our conversation and I woke up like three hours later to this message on my phone and I opened to read it because I couldnt make sense of it and she had sent me like five fucking virtual giftcards for different restaurants in my town. She’d order me pizza and have it sent to my house. And once I got really upset and took about 5 muscle relaxers with a lot of rum and she spent all night on a skype call with me even after I fell asleep making sure I didn’t stop breathing. Like she stayed up all night listening to me sleep because she was afraid something might happen - like .. what?! I had one version of killian that i poured my everything into - his darkness, his desperation, his desire to just die - and we would spend literally 12 and 14 hours on kik where I hid behind my muse to talk about how I wanted to give up, how there was nothing left for me to hang onto.. and god help her she kept it in character so she wouldn’t let me on to the fact she saw through it and make me clam up - but i’ll be damned if she didn’t get me through every day. Because of her i held on, I would tell myself ‘okay. just one more day. I’ll take care of it the day after’. And one more day turned into years and here I am today.

She made me really mad - like really mad. I hated someone caring about me to that extent because I didn’t understand it. I didn’t really delve into this whole ‘unconditional love’ thing until i went to therapy in late 2016 so i honestly believed she was trying to manipulate me and i was very resentful of the fact that i felt like i ‘owed’ her because goddammit i’m an island and i need no one.

She loved me when I was at my worst. Because of her I found the strength to stop drinking and to stop taking random shit. At her urging once we moved in together (this pissed me off too, don’t fucking doubt it.) I dragged myself in to see someone. I say urging but she really gave me no choice lmao. I went to counseling three times a week, I started on medication - things slowly got better. But I would still randomly rage against this ‘new me’ because i thought she was trying to change me to better fit what she wanted me to be, and that she was ignoring what i was.

But, here we are, almost 7 years into being in each other’s lives and 6 years into being a ‘thing’. I still have my moments, we both do - but she is literally my rock, my strength, the fountain from which I get my willpower and determination to make it through every day. If it wasn’t for @twistedwit I can tell you with complete and utter honesty, that probably about a year into making Killian the blog would have gone silent and no one would ever know what had  happened to me - but, now, thanks to her , not only is killian still around .. but i am too.

She has pushed me to be a better writer, she has pushed me to be a better person. I still have moments where I miss drinking, especially (this might sound dumb) when I write about Hook drinking. me: types ‘rum flavored lips’ , me: you goddamn lucky bastard... and there are also moments where i want to say to hell with it and quit taking my meds but .. I found someone way too important to throw to the side. I made a promise and I never want to hurt her like i used to, i never want to hurt myself like i used to. Despite what I’ve thrown her way (sometimes insulting words, sometimes punches), she has never kicked me out, she has never told me I’m not worth loving. She catches whatever clenched fist i’ve thrown her way and hugs me until i’ve stopped yelling. Sometimes she waits for me to destruct whatever it is my brain is telling me to destroy so she can help me pick up the shards after- and sometimes she picks up rocks and throws them with me, both of us yelling until our throats bleed, showing me that I’m not the one fighting the battle alone. She might not understand why its important for me to unleash my fury at whatever it is, to tear at my skin like there’s something holding me fast that i want to break from - but she’ll help, and if she can’t help, she’ll wait. 

I know I say this a lot and I apologize for waxing on but - Amy saved my life. She continues to save my life. Her smile makes me smile. I love the way she can do the eyebrow quirk (a talent that completely eludes me), the way she’ll fight sleep just to let me finish a conversation, the corniest in the entire world jokes she tells, the way she’ll do research into the stuff that means a lot to me so she can talk about it with me. I love the way she will come home from a 12 hour day at work and help me with the dishes because I’m starting at them overwhelmed. I love the way she’s a stickler for routine and I love the way she washes my hair when I’m too dead to the world to do it myself.

In short, hi yes. This blog will forever be a We love Amy and Guy blog and a shrine to their amazingness for the reasons listed above. I love @twistedwit with my entire fucking heart.\

weird side fact if you’ve made it this far: we made our blogs like two or three days apart from each other. I had never seen once upon a time besdies liek 4 youtube clips and  the crocodile and i had watched robin hood bbc maybe like .. once all the way through a year or two before. But for some unearthly reaosn I will never  understand, I started off with Hook in the robin hood fandom rather than ouat or anything else and I was like -I wanna write with a Guy. Which .. I hated the character in the show so ??? why taylor ?? why ?? But from the very first moment that i tackled her in a chatzy thinking she was someone else - that was it. Our fate was sealed lmao. Yo, amy !! I love you so much!!

[pitayatea]

Talk is Jericho: The Emancipation of Jon Moxley

(i highly recommend listening to the episode if you have time, its a great listen and it goes a lot into jons thought process behind his leaving and the timeline from august until he left. if you dont have time or just want a rundown before you listen to see if youd be interested, i complied a list of points in the episode,,, i guess? idk.)

(none of these are in order im horrible at listing things but all of this was discussed at some point):

- mox started the podcast saying he harbors no ill will for wwe, how grateful he is for the time he spent there, how they helped him grow as a person, etc. he also talks fondly of the make a wish program and the fans and everything.

- there's a good bit of him talking about renee and describing her as his best friend, his soulmate, and how even if they had nothing it was fine bc they had each other. prime otp shit we stan. im sorry i love their relationship.

- jon describes a time where he was approached about a promo describing him doing stupid stuff that an idiot would do (riding a unicycle backwards, sharing pizza with a homeless dude, etc), and asking that it be changed because he doesnt want his character to be seen as an idiot. the line was taken out and readded by vince. when he confronted vince, vince didnt see the issue and described the segment as good shit and thought it described the dean character perfectly, which jon took as being described as an idiot.

- jon hated his heel turn, and defined it as being heavily micromanaged and told numerous stories of fighting with scripts and writers and vince because they wanted to do joke shit that he didnt want to do. he hated the germaphobe angle, he despised the vaccine promo, and it was all stuff pushed by vince.

- he also talks about other promos he hated before his heel turn, and a lot of it started as early as the 2014 feud with seth (the hotdog cart, seth mannequin, etc.)

- i actually remember an older tij episode where he goes into detail about how it was vince who pushed the mannequin thing, and how he once walked into vinces office and found vince sitting in his chair, facing the mannequin, with weapons laid out, verbally describing what he wanted to do to the mannequin... do with that what you will.

- (aka vince is senile which,,, we been knew)

- both of the stories he told are extremely interesting: one describes the time he knew for sure he was gone and started counting the days, and the other describes the time he almost walked out.

- there was numerous lines during his heel turn that he refused to use and demanded to be changed.

- one of which was a joke about a pooper-scooper that got changed to the gas mask line. he describes literally having to go behind vinces back and rushing with writers to get a copy of the script without the joke onto vinces desk before the one with the joke got there because vince wouldve forced him to do it.

- he describes all the promos he did that night as confusing and not telling stories, and remarked that "if we didnt need to run around and try to not look like idiots, we could focus on telling stories", which flustered a writer he was with at the time.

- the writers and jon got a note from vince which stated "dean needs to understand why he needs to insult the audience. dean needs to read his promos verbatim and not try to rewrite them." jon remembers feeling like he got punched in the gut and lashed out in frustration at a writer (in retrospect, he admitted it wasnt the writer's fault and he was just emotional).

- "why do i work here? im a professional wrestler, who can tell stories and come up with promos and i believe i have the ability to talk people into buildings, i learned those skills years ago, and i wanted bring them to the wwe, and you just want me to say your stupid lines. if you want someone to stay your stupid lines, hire an actor because theyll probably do a better job of it than me. im not interested in doing it."

- he spoke frankly about the fact that wwe is a billion dollar company, run by an alleged genius, filled with adults, and they were talking about pooper-scoopers, and how ridiculous it sounds.

- after the pooper-scooper joke was removed, vince took the gas mask comment literally and tried to make jon go out with a surgical match. eventually, it was talked down to the hankerchief that made it into the final cut of the promo.

- vince once mentioned how jon had so much creative license, to which jon remarks: "what creative license? what creative license do I have? i do exactly what you tell me and its terrible crap. thats not creative license."

- he booked it immediately after the show, got into the hotel, and immediately thought (after thinking that he needed a drink) that the entire segment was a waste of time because they got nothing done, and he didnt get why everyone was celebrating afterwards. he remarked that after doing six promos in one night, he couldnt say what the story was, who the characters were, and that the angle was dead, if it wasnt already.

- jericho agreed that the creative process of going through vince is awful and that it burns you out and that, at the end of the night, the match was the easy part.

- jon was never scared of getting fired for being outspoken, because he still did the work. if he couldnt convince vince that it wasnt a good idea, hed go out and try hard to make it good.

- jon woke up to a text from a writer describing the vaccine segment, and he responded that he "fucking hated it" and the writer texted back "yeah, i know".

- by the time he showed up to the building, word had gotten out that he wasnt happy with the vaccine promo. vince knew jon wasnt happy and called him to his office to reassure him that the bit wasnt comedic, and that its good stuff and its well written and would get him so much heat. he explains all of this while laughing, immediately proving that it is comedic, and said there was no props involved, to which jon replied "then whats with the actor we hired to play the doctor or the giant syringe? are those not props?"

- jon was ***EXTREMELY*** uncomfortable making comments about romans leukemia, and didnt even want to say the lines that got on tv, and sounded audibly pissed off when talking about it. when he confronted vince, vince said that roman needs to be in the story, that dean turned on both roman and seth, and that roman is a key part of the story.

- both jericho and jon then talk briefly about the 'vince jedi mind trick', where he makes things seem better than they actually are, and jon fell victim to it in that promo despite considering himself to be immune. he immediately regretted the lines as soon as he said them.

- there was a line in a promo talking about romans cancer that jon refused outright to say, and wouldnt even say it on the episode. all he said is that the wwe wouldve lost sponsors (esp the susan g. komen sponsorship) and someone (likely him) wouldve gotten fired. vince tried to convince him to say the lines but he absolutely refused and it was a matter of "ok i guess youre not comfy bc its roman" and not "its extremely offensive" with vince agreeing to not force the promo. jon then said it wouldnt have mattered to vince anyways bc he wouldnt have been blamed for it, and it wouldve been jon who took all of the heat. he then makes a comment in case whoever was responsible for the promo was listening:

- jons wanted to leave wwe since july 2018, and almost walked out after an episode of raw during his heel turn due to creative frustrations.

- jon wanted to return from injury as a completely new heel character. he brought this up to vince twice - once in february, when they thought hed be cleared for wrestlemania 34, and once in july, before his actual return.

- in february, vince had stated that they could do what jon wanted to do. the story changed by july due to them advertising the shield for the aus super showdown and not wanting to take them off the billing.

- they then wanted him to return as seths buddy in his corner for summerslam. jon wanted to return at summerslam as a surprise, and vince had an original plan for him to show up at the go home show for summerslam and just,,, be there, but agreed to go with jons plan.

- the week of summerslam, a writer contacted jon while he was training with joey mercury and cody hawk in cincinnati that he was, in fact, showing up at the go home show for vinces original plan. essentially, vince lied to him to sedate him because jon says he was extremely outspoken about everything. he managed to talk vince and the writers into putting a little bit of action into the go home show.

- jon hated the line that seth said to announce his return ("since you have a scottish psycopath, i ought to have a lunatic in mine"), which was entirely a line planted by the creative team and wasnt the fault of jon or seth. he felt like it muddled the crowd reaction and the pop bc everyone was reacting in different ways and he thought they shouldve just played the music because "how can you screw that up?"

- hes been creatively frustrated since 2016 on smackdown.

- by the time he left the company, he hated the character of dean ambrose and couldnt look at himself in the mirror.

- they tried burying dean with the nia storyline and squash matches, but fans loved him so much that vince saw dollar signs and pushed for the shield reunion tour. if it wasnt for fans being behind him, jon wouldve been mercilessly buried.

- aew was not his main reason for leaving. originally, he wanted to go back to czw or the indies. he wouldve left the company no matter what - even if no other promotions existed, he wouldve left and created his own promotion.

- jon described feeling severe symptoms of depression during his last few months, to the point where he couldnt motivate himself to get out of bed or go to the gym or do anything. he even looked up symptoms on webMD to confirm what he was feeling - jericho also confirmed it the second jon started talking about it.

- he outright stated that vince and the creative process and the shit vince had built around the wwe since 2002 is killing the company.

- he does not want to compete with wwe, he just wants to try and push them to improve the product and try and get vince to step back slightly and not micromanage so heavily.

- jon only got paid 500 bucks for the shields final chapter special, which is the same price that extras get on main shows and the same price that unused roster members get for just showing up and sitting in catering. jericho then brought up that during a house show street fight between him and ambrose, they both only got paid 750. 500 and 750 are bare minimum prices for just showing up - so they barely got paid for a dangerous gimmick match on a house show.

- jon and cody have been friends since before cody left wwe, and used to sit backstage and watch old wcw matches while getting ready for matches.

- he considers codys experience to be similar to his, and that they both experienced the same frustrations at different times.

- jon and jericho both agree that tony khan (CEO of aew) is the exact opposite of vince, and is a bigger wrestling fan than vince is. jericho then brings up that he doesnt see how vince can be a fan any longer because hes been doing it so long without a break. jon agreed and stated that vince is never gonna retire and is def gonna die in the chair, and how he just needs to step back a little bit.

- jericho brought up how jon broke the internet and jon practically jumped at the chance to tell the story.

- "king of social media, mic drop bitches." that is the line of the century im sorry.

- the inspo for the original mox teaser released on may first was inspired by the first venom teaser trailer.

- double or nothing was already planned to be moxs first appearance when the teaser dropped, and he had to keep it on the dl to make sure no dirtsheets reported it and no one advertised him to be there. he admitted he isnt tech-savvy and everyone who hes friends with who is belong to wwe, and the dude who helped him film the teaser was sick nick mondo.

- the trailer took two days to film and cost eight grand, but jon admits he wanted it to be quality and didnt care.

- while filming the trailer, vince texted him to try and extend his contract for the europe tour bc shield money. his response was that he was committed to a film project, which vince took as him filming a movie and not him filming the trailer.

- jon didnt tweet the trailer, he had a social media expert time it to where it released at exactly midnight through some techno shit with twitter.

- roman and seth knew how unhappy jon was in wwe and they were understandably sad to see him go but they wanted him to be happy.

- he talks about how he told seth he was leaving: seth had responded that he was super bummed out, and jon told him that he "is a wild animal, babe" and has been contained for too long. seth immediately agreed, saying it was the perfect analogy.

- the way he describes it kinda describes seth being more broken about jon leaving than roman, which also correlates with seths responses to questions about him leaving. do with that what you will, shippers.

- from now on, nothing is driven by money for him. everything is driven by trying to be the best he can be. he wants that for everyone: he wants his friends to be the best they can be, he wants his wife to be the best she can be, he wants the fans to be happy and everything, but his happiness is the most important thing.

- he feels more passionate about wrestling now, and describes it as his first love and his only love besides renee. the way he describes it reminds me of cm punk losing his passion due to wwe, and i feel like he wouldve ended up exactly like punk if he stayed any longer.

- his favorite part of the business is promos, and the scripted promos made him loathe it. aew gave him his passion for promos and wrestling back.

- he compares himself to the dentist elf from rudolph. his closing line is "if you're an elf and you wanna be a dentist, be a dentist." jericho edits in an audio clip from rudolph at the end and its great.

- jon is looking forward to working with legitimately everyone in aew and thinks of it as helping draw eyes to the product and to other lesser known talent, similar to jericho.

- he doesnt want a war, no matter how much he jokes about it. he just wants to show vince that the way he runs his show isnt the only way and it definitely isnt the right way.

- jon, speaking directly to vince: "your creative process sucks. fix it."

(i listened to the podcast in full three times, and i repeatedly replayed segments to confirm everything. if i missed something, lmk.)

[hereisisa]

A not so brief story of how i discover and became a fan of frozen

I dont know everyone but when frozen was announced, in production and relased during 2012/13 i never cared about it, in fact, i never cared at all for disney, growing up i was more in the pixar side (and dreamworks), in the 2000´s pixar have it golden era and disney was in a very experimental dark age. the last movie i see in teather from disney was home in the range (yes, the one with the cows), but then i “matured” and stop seeing animated movies, the last disney-pixar movie i saw was toy story 3 because was the “end of my infancy”, and in the 2010´s pixar started it own dark age and disney started to win the public again with tangled and ralph, both good movies but none of them were a cultural phenomenon so i never cared and see those movies, in fact i cant even remember if i see trailers or anything

now in 2013 frozen is relased, i remember that saw the trailer, the one that was asking who will bring the summer back? and olaf and the comedy was the focus of the trailer, a really really bad trailer, i can remember exactly what i thinked when saw it: “another stupid disney movie with a stupid sideckick” (remember, disney was just starting it new renaissence)

frozen became what it is now, i still not cared and dont want to see the movie, but the memes, parodies, and articles was just too much to ignore it, i have to see what people was talking about so many months after froezn relase in 2014 i finally decide to see it. was an ok movie, nothing special, sometimes with a slow pacing and im not fan od disney music so for me ther was nothing special about it, i finally saw it and move on.

I cant remember exaclty why or how or where but i saw a lot of elsa fanart (and only elsa) and fell in love just with her design and powers, i made the mistake of getting interested in her beyond the look and then read tumblr posts with analysis and create an exclusive folder for elsa fanarts. i was not a fan yet, just liked elsa. again, according to my folders this was in 2015. so took me a year to became a fan. and again, i cant remember why i decide to read fanfics but read some good fics (was the golden era of froezn, the most famous fics were from 2014 and when i started a lot of fics were already finished or have a lot of chapters to read) 

now was the point of no return, with fics, fanarts and analysis i was officially a fan, it was one of the thing i liked the most in my life. with this new perspective with fics and fanarts i started to apreciate anna and what she did. so now i was not an elsa or frozen fan, i was an elsanna fan (but not as a shipper) fans created a lof of beautifull things with the sister relationship (better than anything disney have done) and i couldnt get back, the rest is history.

it took me a while to became a fan but then i see people who was expecting the movie since 2012 when was still called the snow queen and im very amuzed, i have to do a lot of things to became a fan, some where drawing things since 2012 when i didnt even know disney was making frozen. anyway if you read everything thanks

thanks to @hereisisa for let me use her tumblr to write my thought

—————

Thanks for your submission! Loved hearing your story @trabucooo  .

[panelshowsource]

of course! i love susie! here is the susie tag! i made a susie set last week!

all the submissions i’ve ever received in the past were just pictures alongside someone’s opinions/questions... i can’t privately respond to those like i can with an ask, and they never felt quite appropriate to post. what would you want to submit? you can always tag your own content with #panelshowsource and i will see it!

nope! we do have something called "comedians of the world" which features joel dommett, mae martin, nish kumar, ellie taylor, and quite a lot of standup specials like james acaster, jimmy carr, greg davies, daniel sloss, jack whitehall etc. but with a basic internet proxy, anyone can easily swap their country’s netflix account to british netflix to stream these (x) :)

hello! wow i watched that last year bc in the film miles jupp is married to james wilby (of maurice fame, you may well know), so of course i had to see it. miles is genuinely a talented actor, i recommend watching him in the new howards end and also journey’s end. as for chicklit, i just googled “watch chicklit” and it came right up for me x

where is the proof

sure! twink!john is ultimate john... the new special was a bit bleak though wasn’t it? and i can do that anon, i’m trying to make more drunk history gifs anyway :)

can u believe??

god made her incredible at street fighter to make up for her shit dancing. and good job, god, if i may say so

i certainly have — the new eps are always posted to /r/panelshow, so it’s easy to keep up. it’s a pleasant enough show if you’re liberal scum like me :)

hahahaha oh anon, how i wish i knew the exact reason. i live for frankie’s apparent disdain for james corden (which did not in fact end in 2014, because he did a joke about it in the first series of new world order)...

...which is apparently not reciprocated...

i’m sure there’s no real contempt on a personal level, and james, as a comedian, understands how and why he is a punchline to some people (and can take it). that said, i think his generally appearing “fake” in his personality and penchant for laughing a lot as well as not being a particularly clever or original comedic writer brings the groans from other comedians. after he started winning major awards is when it became particularly trendy not to like him *shrug*

yes, yes, and it depends...some comics are good presenters, some are good roasters, some are good at standup, some are good at podcasts. so ! i like john mulaney, maria bamford, bo burnham, robin williams, sam morril, and i love roast battles so a lot of the greats on jeff ross presents roast battle (mike lawrence, matthew broussard, etc). but apart from mulaney i can’t think of any i religiously keep up with!

hello everyone! yes i certainly watched it, i thought it was nice :) it was a good selection of guests and it was nice to see so many new gen panelists on one programme; i think it helped josh & james and tom & rob are such old friends, and obviously jess & james know each other at least mildly well. dynamics make panel shows. i think the format is decent but really dependent on the guests...i could tell so many of the answers were pre-planned with elaborate set ups (props) and i generally find the less obvious that is, the better, so i hope that improves as they move forward. james is also a little less weird and a little more talk show host-y, which is an odd look for him and i’m not sure how i feel about it, bc i assumed josh would be taking that role so james could fuck about a bit — but it certainly feels like the james acaster show 😂 i’ll be interested to see how it continues with different guests. i love the “how much money to do xyz” round, because i play that all the time irl and it’s hilarious making people explain themselves. but i’ll say this: like you guys i obviously really like james, but if we’re being real this is not the funniest panel show of all time aljskfhg or whatever. sometimes i think being consistently pleasant (looking at you, insert name here) can be even better than that. so that’s what i’m hoping for it!

i don’t i’m sorry to say anon. i can see select episodes are on dailymotion but it looks to me like you’ll have to go here and politely make a request. but in the meantime, never forget.........

is that a james acaster fan i detect? ;) x

haha i don’t know what kind of magical powers you think i have as a lil american with 400gb on google drive and no other materials other than the interwebz to watch panel shows, but let me introduce you to a well-known resource around these parts...

vlc is king queen! enjoy! x

right here boo! thank you for your patience!

of course not! imo you’re not asking enough! check out this tag, i’ve been working on it...;)

HMM LET’S CONSIDER...

im right here silly

f.a.q. // tags

ps. thanks to everyone for sending in your feedback on double-giffing, meeting celebs, and more! i got all of your messages and i really enjoyed reading all of your perspectives. to keep the blog (mostly) free of drama and debate, i won’t be publishing most of them, but you can always privately message me if you want to talk more :) and sorry i couldnt do original women weds this week; i had a quick surgery yesterday and i was really tired last night. next week will be really good, promise! x sarah

[magenta-teal]

This is me letting you go

We met exactly in one and half year ago, didnt know each other yet, well, i've heard you before, a lot, but not really paid attention. That time, i feel ur eyes judging me, thought u are the one i should avoid the most.

And then, we're going to karawang. It's the first day you finally talked to me. You asked me abt romi-dude, and i said he was the most handsome guy in the gang. You laughed at me, and i just strunted my eyebrow, feeling weird.

Turns out it was your birthday, it was so late and we didnt give u a proper wishes. Vincya made u blow up the candle with her zippo. Well, next day everyone throwed a party for u, and i dont feel like belongs to family so, i just slept on my blanket, faking to be busy.

And time passed. We got along well, but not that well. Until one day, you asked me to watch coco. I want to reject u at first, scared that we might got awkward as the movie played. But fortunately, we didnt. U even shed a tears, and u said u never cried in front of everyone but certain person. And lucky me, i am one of the kind.

And u told me abt ur stories, and i'd loved to listen every words u said. Blablabla, and u told me ur school, ur ex, ur family, and all bout stuffs. Serious matters. And u shed a tears once again. Want to give u a hug but who am i anyway?

Once again, we got along well, this time, we got along pretty well, as u ended up in same division as me, we traveled a lot, together. Bogor, bandung, medan, bali, what that was again?

And i remember the time when we had a staycation in ubud. U never been that clingy to me. U tailed me wherever i go. And for some reason, idk what, u loved to took a picture with me. It was the first time finally i feel something in u.

Do u remember? The time when we didnt go exploring ubud but swam in early morning? Time when i really want to made a group with u in our ttw camp? Time when i nagging a lot, longing for beach, and u were the one who made people going there, to fulfil my needs. U remember when we had dinner at jimbaran? We took a lot of photo. U even held my hand as if we were a real couple. U made me swing my body. I feel weird but still did it anyway.

At the end, i know it was u who always accompanied me. When i went back to dinner table after took some photos in beach, when im all alone, surprisingly u also went back and sat with me for the time being. And because of that, i cant help but seeing u as a different person.

So as we went back to jakarta, when u sat right next to me on the plane, i really cant help secretly laid my head onto ur shoulder. For a glimpse, for a second, and i could feel the warmth already.

Last, u remember when we waiting for our luggage in conveyor belt? I absent mindly dropped my trolley. Everyone laughed at me, but u. You just smiled, and helped me lifted it back.

Sometimes you surprised me with what you did. Once, you asked me going on rooftoop in the middle night, watching sky full of star with sight of pool in front of us. The next day, you asked me to accompanied you ate sekoteng at 1 AM on a narrow street at bandung. And how do i forget all of your stories on your igs? Once you told that i'm much cuter than kawa. Then you told me to picked between jeans and flanel. And you made me popped up in your 2ndary account. It might be just a birthday wishes, but it really means a lot, for me.

And soon, i realized that you always came by my bench. Once you just passed by. Once you sat on the chair next to me and asked me a things. Once you deliberately brought your laptop and worked in front of me.

People started gossiping us. Some took photo and shared it on group. Some talked behind. Some frankly asked what our relationship really are. What we did just smiled. Neither saying no nor yes.

Time passed once again, long story short u asked me to become ur fwb. Still remember the day u gave me a paper-made-flower. Idk why but i felt butterfly on my tummy. Weird. Shouldnt be that happy but i am.

Turns out it was totally wrong when i asked u to make clear abt ur feelings towards me. I shuld left it hanging but what i did was pushed u to confess. Never knew that would be bad.

Then we made some rules so no one gettin hurt. You told me not to get hard feeling. But it cant be. You know, my feelings already hard to begin with.

Till one day i felt different towards u. You changed. And I came to confront. U said u werent into relationship. I understand, as u started to avoid me, i started to forget u.

But who knows we got a long too well? We attached into each other, somehow. I started to walked away from u, but u popped up once again. Gone clingy with ur dumb smile.

Darn you, spirit of fungus.

And i couldnt resist u at a moment, i come too far by moved out and picked a house rent nearby u. Crazy, i know. And once again, u proved me u really attached to me as u always always and always asked me to had my supper with u.

I know it always been fun hanging together with u. We spent a day, a night. Talking unnecessary thing. Full of laugh. No phone, no people, no distraction. Just two of us. With our own world.

As the feelings started to blooms, i began to showed u a real side of mine. A bitchy one. Annoying, angry, meany, sucks. I got mad couple times. I talked bad. Im an asshole, i know.

Thought u would got tired and walked away from me. But it's you i know. U just being u. U put down my anger by showing me a good side of yours. And you stayed.

Then i started to questioning abt our rules. If we already did a right thing or not. Bcs if we were a real fwb, i shuldnt gone that far by got mad at u. As i start to asked u abt this relationship, u ignored me and just left everything the same.

We were going abroad together on November. Singapore. Your hometown for half a year on 2014. It was a group trip but i'm gone too far by being clingy with you. You didnt pushed me back and let everything be.

We went to USS. And we almost looked like a couple as we always riding things together on theme park. We also did a lot of couple lookalike shoot. Full of awkward pose. After all we are not a real couple.

But you surprised me by knocking my door at 7 AM. It was cloudy morning. Rainy outside. Cold. I opened the door and you straightly went to my room. Snuggled up under my blanket. And i could hear you snoring. As i'm watching you sleep, i wonder if we weren't really a couple. But no, we're not. I'm your friend, i said to myself.

Many things happened. Who knows that i would staying with you on your surgery day? I saw you screaming cause of a shoot. You made me see every single step mrs doctor did to your feet.

And i cant forget all of day we watched movie together. It was a midnight movie. We were wearing our pajamas. I didnt wear any make up and you didnt bother.

Once, you asked me to ate midnight snack on 1 AM when i already put some skincare, turned off the lamp and ready going to bed. We ended up going on conversation until 5 AM.

Sometimes you cooked for me. And you always granted my wish by making some dish my mother barely cooked.

It was sure a best day of mine.

4 months later, after i moved out to your neighborhood, you decided to left cause you cant stand living alone. Im not lying when i said, its saddening. Once i mad at you, gone clingy, questioning you all over if you would still there. But you tell me you're not going anywhere. You're not going to leave me. Then i come to trust you with disbelief.

Now you are going busy with your work. And your life, perhaps? You kinda ignoring me, not replying my text, not answering my call (okay its too exagerrated), not even read 'em. And what can i do? I dont want to ruin everything. So i just sit back and wait. I really dont want to disturb you. You have your own life.

And i'm letting you go this time. Letting you do what you wanna do. I dont want to hold you back. After all, Im just your friend. Like your other friend. But with slight of benefit which i dont know what.

Feel free to stay. Feel free to go.

So this is me unclapsing my finger.

This is my parting, my reluctance, my heartache and my final gift to you.

This is me letting you go.

[nouglyduckling]

J’aime Beaucoup Paris!

In late November last year, my dear friend and former L’Oreal colleague Michelle told me that she was going to be in Paris for Maison & Objet in January.

So, I took the opportunity to meet her there and bring Jax and Ry with me, too. This was my 4th time in Paris, but a first for both Ry and Jax.

Where to start? First, the trip wasn’t nearly long enough - we arrived Friday evening and left Monday morning but I will not complain. It is wonderful that we live in Portugal and can hop on a plane and fly merely 2 ½ hours to do a weekend in France! But, because I spent some time at Maison et Objet to do some work-related marketing research (blog post to come), that also cut into my leisure Paris time. Still, all in all, we were able to see and do a lot.

For those of you interested, here was our loose agenda:

Friday night: Arrive, eat a quick dinner by our AirBNB and head to the Eiffel Tower! Gorgeous! It is a sight to see it at night.

Saturday:

I am an early riser so I went to get pastries at Blé Sucré. It opens at 7am and I was pretty much there at 7:05am. We stayed in Le Marais near the Opéra Bastille area and I had read that Blé Sucré, located within walking distance, has some of the best croissants in Paris.

Anyway, as I was walking the gorgeous streets of Paris, and watching the sun rise in Bastille with its picturesque pink skies, I seriously channeled Rose from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and in my head, I was wondering how to convince my Abe (Ry) to drop everything and live here. This despite the fact that it was freezing. Who gets me??!?

There is just something about Paris – it is so beautiful, cultured, and sophisticated that even Michelle was saying that she feels her most beautiful in Paris. I wholeheartedly agree, and I sure am envious that she will live in Paris part-time starting in April. She already lived here for 5 years, then moved to London for 3 years, and is now back in Northern California to be closer to her parents. But soon she will be able to work remotely and live in Paris part of the year. Sounds perfect!

Anyway, after Ry and I inhaled our croissants and Jax finished his gluten-free strawberry, banana, and honey crepe that I got at Crêperie Elo Bastille, we were ready to tackle the Metro and go to Fondation Louis Vuitton to see the the approximately 120 artworks of Jean-Michel Basquiat. The Fondation is fairly new as it opened in October 2014 as a space to celebrate artistic creation in all its forms. Commissioned by Bernard Arnault, the gorgeous building was designed by architectural genius Frank Gehry.

The Basquiat collection is amazing, and extensive - spread over four levels! With so many canvases available to observe, I was able to get a really good feeling of Basquiat’s works and message and was incredibly inspired. To top it off, our timing was perfect because the exhibit took place from October 3, 2018 to January 21, 2019, and we saw it on January 19th! The exhibit was supposed to end on the 14th but they extended it a few days, so when I saw that when I was still in Portugal, I booked our tickets right away to make sure to get one of the last remaining slots.

After the Basquiat exhibit, we took the metro to the Louvre. As we know, a trip to Paris is not complete without seeing the Louvre and Tour Eiffel and I wanted to make sure Ry and Jax would see these Parisian landmarks. Even though the temperatures were below freezing, we were able to walk around and grab a few photos.

After that, I hit the clothing shops! My friend Angie, a Parisian native and owner of Artisan Lofts had previously directed me to her blog with a list of her favorite stores, so I hit Sezane and the Maje outlet. But just before that, Jax and I also stopped by a Maison Georges Larnicol chocolate shop, so he was able to get some Parisian treats, too.

After all this, I left Ry and Jax and went all the way to the Parc de Expositions to go to the Maison et Objet EXPO. Amazing, beautiful, and overwhelmed with all the home design and beauty eye candy, but one of the best trade shows I’ve ever been. Stay tuned for my blog post on that!

Sunday:

On Sunday, I spent the good half of the day at M&O, after first getting Jax yet another gluten-free crepe that he loved so much and strolling to the Place de Vosges, which was peacefully empty on a quiet Sunday morning. 

At M&O, I finally met up with Michelle and her work colleague Lynette, and after a few hours of walking the various halls we hadn’t already seen, we called it quits and went to Jacques Genin, the most exquisite and sophisticated chocolate and patisserie shop I’ve ever seen. Leave it to Michelle, who is the most discerning foodie, to take us to this elegant place. It was heaven! I couldn’t leave without purchasing some of their chocolates and caramels and of course, the chocolates were packed in a beautiful tin. Yes, a heavy, substantial tin box.

I also did another quick shopping stint, dropping by the hip and trendy 3 story concept store, Merci and also to Leon & Harper.

We finally went to dinner at Semilla and because it was Paris Design Week, caught this gorgeous linen lampshade street on the way to the restaurant:

Dinner w my fabulous, sophisticated friend of 20 years!

Monday:

Time to head to the airport but not before waking up early to go to Du Pain et Des Idées. I swear, I will fly back to Paris just to grab more of their delicious bread and pastries. Their reputation is worth it. And because I am an early riser, I again was there when it first opened and there were no lines!

Au Revoir, Paris! Til next time!

[weeaboo-horror-stories]

I am bisexual.

When I was in the 4th grade, at age 11, I met this really cute girl. She was about, what, 4'6 ft tall? She was actually my classmate, but I was always socially awkward. It's a long story, but we eventually became friends. She was REALLY smart and hardworking (in our school, if you're an honor student, you're REAALLY smart.) while i was lazy and average. Of course, back then we were still children. (Btw let's refer to her as "Maki" instead) We both loved anime, and we were total weebs. At that time, I was obsessed with Hetalia. I influenced her to watch it, she was a shugo chara fan. Anddd so she also got addicted.

Anyway, I was pretty fond of drawing, and people saluted me for my skills. Maki worshipped me like a God no im sERIOUS and called me "sensei", because i gave her lots of tips. She overestimated me too much. To the point where she neglected her studies just to talk to me. Although, I myself did not notice that. She always told me that she never had a true friend, and I was her first friend. She always told me that she loved me, and that we will forever be friends until we die. 

Her mother started to notice the big drop of our grades, and blamed me for it. She also started talking back to her, although Maki said that she did that back before we were friends.

Fifth and sixth grade came by, (i am from asia, 6th grade is our last year in gradeschool, but we still remain at the same school.) and her mother's anger at me grew, for Maki's behavior became "worse", as Maki explained. She forbid her to see me, and I was hurt. But she still constantly followed me, we were inseparable. 

Her mother even asked for a transfer of section in 6th grade, just for her to get away from me. But that didn't work either.

I didn't understand, she still remained an honor student, so what's wrong? I was hurt.

So one day, I confronted her. I wasn't rude, if that's what you're thinking. But she screamed at me and demanded at me to leave her daughter alone right in front of the school's catholic church. She called me a demon. Everyone in the school was looking at her with shame, and looking at me with pity. I shaked the tears off, I didn't want her to see me cry. I left afterwards in tears, it wouldn't stop. The only thing that cheered me up was a friend that went with me in the car (because no driver). She was my childhood friend (first friend too. We've been friends for almost 12 years) let's refer to her as Aka.

I never realized I was bisexual until freshman year came. But that's where the real thing comes.

At that time, the school year was ending, and I told her that maybe we should be apart

I had two reasons for saying that.

One, is because I didn't want her to get hurt anymore. Her mother abuses her. It just hurts me to see her hurt, and yet still smile. 

Two, is because I felt odd. I think about her everytime, I go nuts when I don't get to talk to her for a day. I felt so crazy that I didn't know what it was. I had a crush on a boy back then at 4th grade, but the feeling was different somehow. I was so confused. 

When I told her to break it for the 3rd time, we did. But afterwards, we came by again. She told me that she was so sad. I didn't know what to feel, so I smiled at it. It was March. 

My weeaboo phase ended at that month.

I started to watch different things like the vampire diaries...etc.

Afterwards, I have come to the thought that I had feelings for her, so I told her that we should be acquaintances starting our first year of highschool.

When we found out the people we will be classmates with, I told her to be friends with a certain person (lets call her Eli?)

And so she did.

But, I realized how jealous I was after nearly a month.

She made a bunch of friends, while I...made nothing. But that's not why I was jealous

I was jealous because I wasn't with her everyday like we used to, it's not the same anymore. I felt ignored. So I sent her a message. And she answered with

"Heya~ Recieved ur text but ddnt recive load, im NOT trying to ignore you though, i thought we were aquaintances and yes i knew u helped me a lot and i appreciate u for that but you dnt hav d right to tell me whether to make friends or not, because we have our own lives n i do wat i want when i wanna do it n i wanna make friends so what? I actually did make lots this first few weeks of school already. Plus i dont think we can relate to each other anymore.. I love hetalia & anime still but u've gone out of d fandom n went to TVD n PLL, im not really interested in that though,sorry.I still belive dat anime could be real while u think their jst living in ur comp screen. Im not trying to judge ur opinions because i respect ur opinions owo scouting is actually fun though, its not boring nor tiering at all, its pretty fun >w< i luv it. Believe it or not i still miss you but i dont think we can relate. I hav 2 study everyday n night, my grades matter to me, so please dnt say im trying to ignore u by not going to fb, i jst hav 2 study thats y. I cant be on here all the time n i barely hav time to get on here because im trying to make up for my failing ones.. n my phone dsnt lyk recieving load idk y. btw i sti believe my friends wnt leave me and yeah thats all i gotta say bye see u :)"

I felt offended..somehow

So I confronted her, told her that I wanted us to be friends again. But she didn't want to, for she already got a new set of friends. And of course, I wanted to cry. But I didn't want to show it. 

I wanted to shout. 

There was another message, it was her apologizing for offending me. Of course, I didn't see that message. But I confronted her the day before, I think she was offended. No...she IS offended. I felt baddd 

I don't want to reveal anything else, but I sent her a total of 20+ apology messages through deviantart and facebook from July to March of 2014. 

I was seenzoned, and there was so reply.

I cried every night.

I felt so obsessed, stalking her through every site.

I was friends with Eli, and I asked her about what Maki thinks of me. She said that Maki didn't want to talk about it, but she disliked me. Ouch. 

Although, Eli DID say that Maki had an older brother and an older sister who was married, but I knew those were big lies. She only had one sister, which was younger than her. I can't believe she lied, she wasnt the type of person to lie.

At January of 2014, I met a guy from the higher batch (can we call him vans). He made me realize that I was bisexual, that I loved Maki.

So, at April of 2014, I sent her my last message. I even confessed to her that I had a crush on her.

But at October (or so) I sent her another message through deviantart, admitting all faults.

I didn't expect her to reply, but when I checked my deviantart page again, she replied.

I'm too lazy to look up what she said, but she said that she forgave me, asked me how I was, and all. But she sent another message that said that we couldnt be together again, but we are good now.

I was so happy that I cried, screamed, and burried myself in the pillow. Literally. 

Until now, at sophomore year, I still see her. We're still not classmates, and our classrooms are far from each other, but each time I see her..my heart still tends to ache.

We are from different clubs (she is from the english club, while I am from the art club. If the art club wasn't so full, I think we would've been clubmates.)

Next school year, I have a horrible feeling that we will be classmates, due to the fact that I am pretty sure we took the art course. Our school will sort us by course next year, and I'm not sure what I will do if I were to be her classmate once more. Will I breakdown and cry in front of her? Or smile at her, and fall for her all over again? It's not fair. I still want to see her. 

I hope her mother will accept me one day, and I will be able to be close to her once again. I am okay with being "just friends", I just don't want to be apart from her. I hope she understands. 

Maki, if you're reading this, thank you. Thank you for letting me experience being loved, feeling loved. I'm sorry for being such a horrible person back then. Thank you so much.